


Ownership of a heart

by queertennie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, He chooses what's best for him!! we stan a king of selfcare!!, Hyuck suffers a little but he gets better trust me, M/M, One Shot, Self-Indulgent, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 15:17:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16307639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queertennie/pseuds/queertennie
Summary: Honestly, fuck Mark Lee.Fuck him sideways, because he never returns Hyuck's affections, his low-key pathetic cries for attention, but he always finds time to hug Winwin, to tickle Jisung, to rest his head on Jaehyun's shoulder. And now publicly kiss his girlfriend, apparently. Because he always makes Hyuck feel a little crazy, a little overwhelmed with how much love his small body can contain. Because he looks the best in evenings, light coming from his bedside table lamp highlighting the best of his handsome face and Hyuck can't imagine wanting something more than to kiss his prettiest, prettiest lips.





	Ownership of a heart

It’s on a cold October evening that Donghyuck sees Mark’s third girlfriend of this year for the first time. They are both sitting on the bench next to the arts building, right where Hyuck has his classes, cuddled together even though there is plenty of bench space left.

Donghyuck stops in his tracks and shudders, probably not because of the cold, still unnoticed by his best friend and his newest other half. Mark laughs at something his girlfriend says and tucks her long hair behind her ear. Hyuck blinks. They smile at each other and Mark leans in for a kiss. In that moment, Donghyuck turns on his heel and leaves as fast as he can.

Honestly, fuck Mark Lee.

Fuck him sideways, because he never returns Hyuck's affections, his low-key pathetic cries for attention, but he always finds time to hug Winwin, to tickle Jisung, to rest his head on Jaehyun's shoulder. And now publicly kiss his girlfriend, apparently. Because he always makes Hyuck feel a little crazy, a little overwhelmed with how much love his small body can contain. Because he looks the best in evenings, light coming from his bedside table lamp highlighting the best of his handsome face and Hyuck can't imagine wanting something more than to kiss his prettiest, prettiest lips.

Fuck Mark Lee, because he makes Hyuck feel like their friendship is just a heartbreak in making, something with a time limit so obvious it's ridiculous Mark has never noticed.

Yet, the worst part is that Mark has never lead him on, never tried to make their friendship into something it wasn’t. He hasn’t ever shown the barest sign of any kind of romantic feelings towards Donghyuck and, honestly, doesn’t that just prove that it’s all Hyucks fault? That it was his own stupid heart that seeked any excuse to become fixated on the other? Mark has never done anything wrong, he couldn't really be blamed for the state in which Hyuck has found himself.

But nevermind whose fault it is or isn’t, what Hyuck has always known there will be an end to this, because it's impossible to be 18 years old and be as in love as he is and come out unscathed. And even if most days it feels like his heart wasn't made to pump blood but to adore Mark, he knows that in the long run it's nothing good for him, nothing healthy. Hearts were made to keep you alive, and if they are busy doing something else, how long can you live?

So Donghyuck comes home that evening, allows himself exactly one hour of crying himself stupid into his pillows, images of his best friend and his love flashing through his mind on loop, because he is a little masochistic like that. But then he arranges the pillows neatly, wipes his eyes and sits up. He grabs his phone and calls Renjun, then Johnny. The words coming out of his mouth hurt, as if they are trying to claw their way back into his throat, where they have stayed for so long. Right in that moment, when Renjun's warm voice asks him for the third time if he's still on the line, he nearly gives up.

But then he thinks, this is Mark's third girlfriend this year and, honestly, he don't know if he will be able to live through another one. His pillow is soaked with years worth of tears. He is so goddamn tired, so fucking tired of being in love and fuck it, he doesn't want it anymore. He wants his heart back and all to himself.

So he tells Renjun the whole story, how it began and how he wants it to end, and every single thing that happened in between. And by the time he's done, they are both sharing a fat sob over it and holy shit, that felt good. That felt really good, to finally tell someone.

Renjun tells him he's sorry and that he will support him no matter what happens next. He tells him that he is ready to fight Mark, if Hyuck wants him to. He tells him that he knows a cool counselor and asks him if he wants the contact info. Donghyuck wants it.

Once he end the call with one of his best friends, he calls Johnny. This time saying everything feels easier. Johnny doesn't cry, but he does sound very apologetic, says he is sorry for how he never noticed how bad his younger brother feels. Donghyuck tells him it's fine, he doesn't blame him. He asks for advice and they spend the next hour coming up with ways to deal with his heartbreak. Once again, it feels good.

When he disconnects the call, he sits himself in front of his vanity mirror and spends some time looking at himself. He doesn't know why, he just feels like it. He looks like he has been crying cause, well, he did. Surprisingly he doesn't looks half as pathetic as he usually does after having his daily Mark themed sob fest.

Then he stands up, picks up a half-full laundry basket that stands in the corner of his room and dumps its contents on the floor. He puts the basket on his hip and starts going around his room, collecting things that make him think of Mark and puts them inside. He takes photos, little notes, trinkets and gifts. He crouches by his closet and takes out all of Mark's clothes that he received and never gave back through the years, his most prized possessions he likes to wear to sleep, that is cozy hoodies and worn-out shirts. His heart hurts, but he puts them in the basket. He changes the sheets that Mark lounged around during their last sleepover which Hyuck hadn't gotten around to changing. He puts them in the basket. Then, he cries for a minute or five. He doesn't throw the things out, doesn't set them on fire, just gently sets the basket filled with his best memories of his love back in the same corner where he found the container. For later consideration, he thinks. Maybe he will go through it with his friends.

He wipes out the remnants of his tears and lies down on his bed to catch his breath.

Donghyuck isn't sure what's going to happen now. He isn't sure if he should end their friendship, avoid Mark, maybe? Tell him everything, ask him to understand and leave Hyuck alone for a bit? For a forever?

He really isn't sure, but. He feels a few tears roll down his cheek and they feel like relief and, damn, that's a good feeling for once.

He still is sad as shit, that's undeniable. He still really wants to hold Mark's hand, kiss his stupid lips and kinda spend the rest of his life with him. But now, he accepts that none of those things are going to happen, like, ever. He loses hope and it doesn't feel like a defeat. He realizes that there are people around him who love him so much and will hold his hand whenever shit goes down.

He wants to start prioritizing his own wellbeing; wants to accept that those feelings won't bring him anything good. That it's better to stop clinging to the vision of a perfect life with Mark by his side. He wants to start letting go and allowing it to never come back.

He stands up, puts on his jacket and shoes and goes back to the arts building to catch the rest of today’s classes. He might still be wiping snot from his face on the way here, but hey, at least he isn’t putting his life on hold for Mark Lee anymore. Donghyuck’s heart feels a tiny bit more his own.

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! this is my first ever fic posted on ao3 and i hope you enjoyed it cause, not gonna lie, it was very pleasant and healing for me to write it. i love markhyuck but i also love the idea of hyuck learning to put himself first so jifkddfg please leave a kudo or a comment if you are feeling like it!! thank you for reading and have a nice day uwu


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